


I Wanted to be a Mother

by Live2Sail



Series: Acadaversary [2]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, F/M, Post-Bahrain (Agents of SHIELD), discussion of miscarriage, nothing graphic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-22
Updated: 2016-03-22
Packaged: 2018-05-28 08:00:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6321430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Live2Sail/pseuds/Live2Sail
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's their first Acadaversary after Bahrain and Melinda is not ok. It's possible to read this without reading Part 1 but it will make more sense if you do.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Wanted to be a Mother

**2008 - 4 months after Bahrain**

“Are you almost ready to go?” Agent Phil Coulson asked, coming up behind his former partner, Melinda May, at her desk down in Administration.

“Go where?” Melinda asked not looking up from her computer.

“My place? I’ve got dinner in the crockpot, wine chilling in the fridge, and a couple movies we haven’t watched yet.” Phil answered leaning against the side of her desk.

“We’re not partners any more, Phil.” Melinda practically growled.

“Hey!” Phil pulled Melinda’s chair out and spun it so she was forced to look at him. He glared at her and refused to back down from his partner’s matching glare. “We are and always will be partners. Doesn’t matter if our paperwork doesn’t agree. I  _ will always _ have your back, that makes us partners. Makes us more than partners. You’re my best friend, Mel, and I refuse to let you sit down here by yourself on our Acadaversary, so get up, get your stuff, and let’s go.”

Melinda held her partner’s glare for a few more moments before she sighed and grabbed her coat and purse. Phil was never so thankful for both of their habits of staying long past everyone else had left. It was probably the only reason Melinda had willingly left with him. Phil led the younger woman to his car, not trusting her to follow him to his place in her own car. She sat in angry silence for the rest of the drive to Phil’s apartment. Her silence continued through Phil guiding her to the couch, bringing her a glass of wine, a plate of food, and taking a seat next to her.

“I moved out of the house. Signed the divorce papers. I’m just waiting for Andrew to sign them and give them back.” She finally said softly when both of their plates were empty. Phil looked over and saw tears filling her eyes.

“Mel.” Phil whispered, putting his arm around her and pulling her in close. She collapsed against him and sobs overtook her. Everything from the past few months finally getting a chance to be released. Phil maneuvered them so that they were laying down so Melinda was half on the couch and half on top of and wrapped around him. He wrapped his arms around her and held her tight enough that she felt safe but loose enough that she didn’t feel trapped.

“I had a miscarriage. The doctor said it was a girl. I wanted to be a mother, Phil.” Melinda mumbled into his shoulder.

“You would have been an amazing mother.” Phil whispered back, tears building in his own eyes. They stayed like that for hours, wrapped around each other, tears streaming down both their faces. Just before dawn Phil looked down to see Melinda staring off into space her eyes dead.

“Come on, let’s go to bed.” Phil said, shifting slightly and drawing a low whine out of his partner. Her pained look as Phil got up broke his heart. He wrapped his arm under her shoulders and knees, carrying her bridal style into his bedroom. He sat her on the side of his bed before moving towards his closet. He grabbed two t-shirts and moved back to his best friend. He gently lifted her shirt over her head, reached back to unclip her bra, and eased the straps down her arms. When she was free of her shirt and bra he took one of his well worn SHIELD Academy shirts and eased that over her head, assisting her arms through as well.

“You’re going to have to help me on this part, Mel.” Phil said softly. Her eyes barely flickered to his in acknowledgement. He helped her stand next to the bed, unbuttoned her dress pants, and eased them down her legs. She placed her hands on his shoulders for balance as he lifted each foot in turn to free them from her pants. She collapsed back onto the bed in only her underwear and Phil’s shirt. He waited for her to get comfortable laying down to tuck the blanket around her shoulders. “I’ll be right back.”

Phil quickly stripped out of his suit and replaced it with the second t-shirt he had grabbed out of the closet. After finishing his business in the bathroom he joined his best friend in the middle of his bed. He slipped under the blankets and as soon as he was comfortable Melinda shifted as close as she could get to him. He wrapped his arm around her and pulled her even closer. This wasn’t the worst year they’d had but it was definitely on the list of top five anniversaries he’d rather not repeat.

In the morning they’d maneuver around each other in the bathroom, make breakfast together, and act like tonight hadn’t happened. He’d leave to go debrief Stark and she would return to her desk, two stoic agents just doing their jobs. Until then, they’d hold each other and be the anchor that the other needed in a job that rips away the best part of a person and leaves giant gaping holes just waiting to drown them.


End file.
